Monday, June 27, 2011

last day of the bead gallery on ward

Good Bye Bead Gallery on Ward!

i've spent the last 12 years of my life in the same building, going up and down those stairs, and meeting thousands of wonderful people.  it's been the best part of my adult life, and i'm sitting here in awe of what was created.  i'm not thinking just about the jewelry, the projects, the emails, the website, and all the creative ideas...  i'm feeling full of spirit, love and gratitude.  

the best life lessons of hurt and healing, rejection and acceptance, miscommunications and understanding, conflict and resolution, loss and gratitude, ... ALL have occurred under this particular roof.   and all of the energy that was poured into my life, my environment, and in the familiarity of the PLACE around me is now recognizable only within me.  i thought it was in the things around me, in the comfort of the location, and the everyday sameness of familiarity - but amazingly... it's not!

when i looked at the empty, broken-down store before leaving tonight.. i thought i'd be sad.  or something to that effect, especially after so many customers asked me.. "aren't you going to miss this place?"   i wasn't sad.  i felt nothing... just ready to go home with my husband, like the last 4000 days we've done so.

everything i am, everyone that i love is already in my heart.   i carry the best of me, the best that i can do, the best of everything that i have ever done- inside of ME, and i only realized that today.  i've never been more tired, more irritable, more emotional (hello period, thanks for visiting me NOW), more in physical pain, than the past 3 weeks, and with all that going on - I cried twice today, both times because i was so grateful.  i finally understand that dedicating the past 14 years of my life to tbg was not a waste, i have no regrets, and that this whole journey has been about bringing love into my life.  Today was a clear message, that i am successful. 

once in my office in the middle of the move - i started to tear up.  I had to stop and ask myself, "am i sad? why am i crying?"  only to discover that chasing that emotion led me to think about anna and gale holding down the fort at the new bg, while ali, amanda and my other girls were packing like crazy in the main showroom - and i felt so grateful, my heart felt so full.  to follow a dream, live the opportunity and be a part of a community that shares in that love, there is nothing better.

after getting home and pulling up in the driveway at 11pm, i cried again.  because i was so thankful for my husband, and we had just had a late dinner prepped by my supportive mom.  everything i do has been 100% supported by them, and i will always be striving to share that gift with as many others as i can.  it is a gift that i honor and will serve for as long as i am able, and that i am able to unreservedly receive love and support from those around me, and share that openly is a culmination of the work in progress that is ME!

thankfulness doesn't always show up in the middle of chaos, in the middle of total non-stop action.  and i am writing this message and sending it out in the universe, so that i can REMEMBER that it should.  and i can make it so.

living with gratitude and appreciating the love that i receive and am blessed to share, jamie
mahalo ke akua, mahalo, mahalo, mahalo!

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